Or maybe it's that the friends I do have just don't like me enough. Or my family. While I ponder that, I will tell you how I came upon this realization.

It started at my mailbox, I know it's Sunday – no mail, but I forgot to get it yesterday. Thankfully, since I signed up for all of those eco-friendly services to reduce the amount of junk mail I receive, I usually only get enough to fill the mailbox every other day.

On the way back to my door, I went through the letters.

• One big stack of advertisements that, out of principle, I will never look at, much less use.
• A letter from my bank – hopefully a statement and not a Notice Of Changes to my account, which we all know is bank speech for “more expensive charges for every reason we can think of”.
• Three envelopes of identical size and return address (no name, just the address) with something hard inside of them, like a credit card.
• And one larger envelope that looked like a Christmas card!

As soon as I got inside, I dumped the ads into the recycling bin and threw the letter from Bank of America onto my desk (okay, I'm not that organized – it was the kitchen table, but it's almost like a desk). Then I sat down, tore open the first of the envelopes that had something inside of it, and peeked in. As soon as I saw what was inside, I squealed – a gift card! It was a gift card! Everyone loves gifts! And I had not one, but three of them in front of me! Who were they from? I pulled out the card and the attached letter. A bit of my glee disappeared as I saw who it was from.

It isn't as exciting to receive a gift card that you sent yourself. I'd traded in some airline miles from an airline I never planned on using again to get three $25 gift cards to a bookstore and two restaurants. It was so long ago, I'd forgotten.

At least I could take myself out to dinner, plus there was still the other envelope that really looked like a Christmas card. So I grabbed that one and ripped it open. It was! It was a Christmas card – not the finest quality, but I'm not picky. It had five different-colored Christmas tree ornaments in a row, hanging from a squiggly line of sparkles. Sparkles make me smile. The words wished me “Happy Holidays”! I wondered what the inside would say (seeing as how sweet the front was). I opened up the card and read:

It was an ad, there wasn't even a gift card in it.

Do you know how I'm sure I don't have enough friends. Because I put that card up on my mantel. Right next to the one I'd received from State Farm for Thanksgiving. Then I took myself out to dinner.

Monday, Monday, Oh I love my Monday
Monday, Monday, Oh I love my MONDAY!
At the final Monday, she yells the word and throws her arms up into the air

Tuesday, Tuesday, Oh I love my Tuesday
Tuesday, Tuesday, Oh I love my TUESDAY!
Same thing here

Wednesday, Wednesday, Oh I love my Wednesday
Wednesday, Wednesday, Oh I love my WEDNESDAY!
Ditto

Thursday, Thursday, Oh I love my Thursday
Thursday, Thursday, Oh I love my THURSDAY!
You guessed it

Friday, Friday, Oh-
She stops singing, a puzzled look on her face.

Wait, erase that … cause we don't usually sing it on Fridays.
This is where I start laughing.

Let me start over.
Right here I'm trying not to visibly cringe

But just from Thursday.
Sigh of relief

Thursday, Thursday, Oh I love my Thursday…

You can't make this stuff up.

I love texting. I do it constantly. But, even though it is oddly still legal in Florida, I don't do it while I'm driving. Outside the car, though, I am like a fiend on my little QWERTY keyboard. My best friend and I have long conversations with our fingers – back and forth, back and forth. We do it all the time because we can type fast.

The only problem with texting is that sometimes, and with some people, it just isn't fast enough. Plus, my phone only lets me use 160 characters before I have to press ‘send' and start another one. Then I have to go back into the main menu, through ‘messaging', ‘send text', ‘text message', and select the recipient again, all before I can continue my thought from the previous text. Not everyone types as fast as I do, and some people don't have the full keyboard. They have to press ‘PQRS' three times for each ‘R' in “terrible”, just to describe their day! That is what my mom has to do.

If I were more electronically inclined, I would invent something faster than texting – something that could practically read your mind, it would be so fast. Then, because I created it, I could name it. It would need to be something user-friendly, something simple that could easily become part of our everyday venacular. Something like…

The kids and I were watching Mary Poppins today. Them for the first time, and me for the 8 billionth time. Remember it? It's a great movie about a totally disfunctional family who knows how to sing and the nanny who comes to save them all.

I mean, really, the two kids are angels compared to kids today (my own not included – they really are angels) but both have massive inferiority complexes. The mother is a closet feminist – dancing through the streets for the right to vote during the day then gliding smoothly into the role of doormat as soon as her husband comes home. And the father, well, he's what we would now call “a prick”. I can't see Julie Andrews saying that at all though.

But in the end, he turns around and realizes that he would rather be flying a kite with his kids than working. That was the part that got me – he'd rather be flying a kite. Okay. Makes sense. Then he tells his boss off and dances away with his family.

That was when I realized how fantastic life would be if we all came to that conclusion. Every one of us could dance out of our places of employment to go fly kites. The telling your boss off part could be up to the individual – I happen to like my boss, so would skip that part.

Then I came to my second realization – not many of us know how to fly kites. And not many of us would want to fly a kite. Hmm, too bad – he looked so happy.